They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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