i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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