apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
