i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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