peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize