you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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