I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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