I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
