He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bring money and cleavage
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
