just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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