She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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