You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
