My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
