remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
