I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dick very happy bro
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
