return my video game
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
