So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
