I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
