I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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