I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
