I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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