i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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