i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize