He is such a slut. More and more my type.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
