Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
