i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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