Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
