I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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