i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
