I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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