and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
MIDGETS
????
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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