Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
