scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
