Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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