I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
