I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
