you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
