I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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