I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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