Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
