Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
