I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
