I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize