I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
