Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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