happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
