I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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