so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize