I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's shark week go big or go home
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
