Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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