What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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