addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
