Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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