Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
