OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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