I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
