i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You did what with his pubic hair?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
