Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
