So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
