We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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