I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
