i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
