finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
