I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize