your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
