I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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