Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
