you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
