Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
